Movie Reviews #51 - Yes Man (2008)

Plot: A recently divorced man joins a self-help group that has their members say yes to everything that comes their way.

Review: Yes Man quite frankly was not funny, despite it being a comedy. Almost all of the jokes fell flat. It was disconcerting given that it starred Jim Carrey, one of the biggest comedy stars of the last 2 decades. His character was uninteresting and kind of a jerk, I didn’t want to root for him at all. The movie even had Zooey Deschanel, Bradley Cooper and Danny Masterson (That 70’s Show) but none of them provided anything that made me chuckle either. There was only one character I enjoyed; Jim Carrey’s boss Norm played by Rhys Darby (Flight of the Conchords). He was funny, silly, he threw great themed parties and was a character you wanted to be around. I wish the movie had been about him instead.

            The premise of the movie did not work either. The group that Carrey joined preached that in order to be happy in life you had to say “yes” to everything or else the universe would hate you. If someone told Carey to give them his life-savings… Commit a crime… There were scenes in the movie where people abused Carrey’s new lifestyle, but it was just for simple things like making him buy them beers. In real life, if a terrible person found out about this group, they would take their members for everything they’ve got.

            I might be harsh on this movie but that’s because if a comedy is not funny, then what has it achieved? This movie just passed the time without any emotional highs or lows. Just one long, drawn out meh.

Score: 3/10

The Complete Asylum #9 - Sharknado 2: The Second One

Plot

 There’s a new Sharknado, this time in New York City.

Review

 The first Sharknado was the biggest hit in The Asylum’s history. The premise was so ridiculous that it got social media going crazy and everyone knew what a Sharknado was. So of course, the next year, there was a sequel. Surprisingly though, the sequel managed to be better than the original. What helped the movie considerably was that it was actually filmed in New York City. There were scenes in Times Square, Citi Field and the Statue of Liberty, which brought an authenticity to it. The movie even had The Today Show’s Matt Lauer and Al Roker talking about the Sharknado as a weather phenomenon.

The CGI for the sharks was of course bad. But this time around the movie was cleverer about how to disguise it. They didn’t overuse the same shots of the sharks and they only showed the sharks sparingly. The death scenes were really bad though. The action would cut away very quickly and it was difficult to tell what actually happened. Most of the time it seemed like someone would just touch a shark and then explode into blood. It would have been much better if we could have clearly seen what happened. The shark deaths were much more fun to watch. The citizens of New York in this movie came up with creative ways to defeat the sharks, such as throwing chainsaws into the Sharknado or smacking a shark into an oven.

The acting was honestly better than expected as well. Ian Ziering played this thing seriously. The characters didn’t act like it was a joke; the Sharknado was the most dangerous thing they’d ever seen. This approach was needed, otherwise it would have been too silly. It must be noted though that Tara Reid was still a terrible actress. Even in a Sharknado movie her acting was really hard to watch, the CGI sharks were more believable.

Worst Scene

While some of the characters were at Citi Field watching a Mets game, they met a former player played by Richard Kind (SPIN CITY). He told a story of how in his last at bat he wanted to hit a home run for his father but struck out. Just then, the Sharknado hit the stadium. Kind grabed a bat while a shark was coming his way and his a home run with the shark smashing into the scoreboard.

Lawsuit Potential?

Unless The Asylum wanted to sue themselves for ripping off their own movie, they’re fine.

Score: 7.5/10 

WWE Reviews #8 - No Way Out 2005

              The February WWE Pay Per View is always an awkward one. It comes after the Royal Rumble in January and is before Wrestlemania in March/April. Most of the time the big stories are in a holding pattern until Wrestlemania. Nothing of note really happens unless there’s a title change that needs to occur to setup Wrestlemania.

WWE Tag Team Championship: Eddie Guerrero and Rey Mysterio vs Basham Brothers (c)

            Rey Mysterio is one of the greatest babyfaces of all time. Eddie Guerrero could make you love him with his hilarious cheating antics. Together they make a team you just had to root for. This match goes really well. There are some great sequences where Rey Mysterio is avoiding the Basham Brothers and flipping all around them.

Winners: Eddie Guerrero and Rey Mysterio (new champions)

Booker T vs Heidenreich

            The match starts off with a poem read by Heidenreich, ok… There’s no clear explanation from the announcers why this match is happening. The only reason I can think of is that one guy spilled coffee on the other guy.

Winner: Booker T

Cruiserweight Championship Elimination Match: Funaki (c) vs Paul London vs Chavo Guerrero vs Spike Dudley vs Shannon Moore vs Akio

            This is a good match idea. It showcases most of the cruiserweight division all in one match and gives each one of them a time to shine. Cruiserweights are typically more athletic and risk taking, making dives and flips and all sorts of impressive stunts. This match has its fair share of excitement. The action never becomes too crazy and frantic, which is a problem that sometimes happens in these matches.

Winner: Chavo Guerrero (new champion)

At this point, it has to be pointed out that there is a side story of general manager Teddy Long waiting for Batista to show up for a meeting. Teddy is trying to sign Batista to the Smackdown brand. It’s weird that this is part of a Pay Per View as it’s more of a regular television story.

The Undertaker vs Luther Reigns with Mark Jindrak

            I wasn’t watching wrestling at this time so I have no idea who Luther Reigns is and now I know why. His arsenal is mostly punches and kicks. At least the announcers are doing their best to build him up as a scary guy who should be a threat to The Undertaker. Nope, not buying it. And seeing as how I’ve never seen anything from this guy since, I’m assuming he didn’t work out.

Winner: The Undertaker

            During the show, there are multiple segments for some sort of Divas rookie of the year competition. It’s hosted by Torri Wilson and Dawn Marie. Contestants participate in an evening gown competition, a talent competition and a swimsuit competition. Much like the Batista segments, this does not fit in. The crowd is dead while this is happening. This sort of thing is for Raw, not a Pay Per View people paid 40$ to see.

#1 Contenders Match: John Cena vs Kurt Angle

            At this point, Kurt Angle is a seasoned veteran. He’s fought everyone of note and learned from all of them. He makes his moves look convincing and devastating. It’s a talent not many people on the roster have, then or now. Cena is still early in his career at this point. He has some skills, but there is a lot of room to grow. Nevertheless, Angle carries him through this and they deliver the match of the night. Each wrestler is trying their best to get the win. The stakes feel skyhigh. Very good match.

Winner : John Cena

WWE Championship Barbed Wire Cage Match: JBL (c) vs Big Show

            It’s a cage match with the top covered in barbed wire. The door is locked so no one can get out. This one gets bloody. I see now why the WWE is enforcing a no blood policy these days. This match is grotesque. Both Big Show and JBL get cut open and they are gashing blood all over the place. It’s like the climax of a Quentin Tarantino movie. The match itself is half decent. Both competitors are big guys who deliver powerful moves. But the blood is what makes this match memorable. The finish comes where Big Show chokeslams JBL through the ring. As Big Show rips the chain off the door, JBL sneaks under the ring to escape first and get the win and keep his title. It’s a clever ending to the match. The Pay Per View ends with both Batista and John Cena running in and beating up JBL. Nobody seems to like him very much.

Winner: JBL (retains championship)

Movie Reviews #50 - Dick Tracy (1990)

Plot: Detective Dick Tracy tries to stop mob boss Big Boy Caprice and his gang in a colorful version of film noir.

Review: Dick Tracy is based on an old comic strip. The movie has taken the strip and made an almost literal translation. Everyone seems to wear bright colored suits. All the mobsters have exaggerated faces, such as giant noses, huge foreheads, etc. This movie was a dream come true for a facial prosthetics company. If you buy into the movie’s universe, these strange features work.

The cast assembled for the movie is impressive; Warren Beatty, Al Pacino, Madonna, Dustin Hoffman and William Forsythe among others. In particular Al Pacino as the main villain Big Boy Caprice is fun. He does a lot of yelling and overacting in this but it fits the movie. There are many facepalm inducing moments of stupidity that get frustrating. Dick Tracy often walks into obvious traps which I understand are a staple of these types of stories but it’s often too much to swallow. The score from Danny Elfman sounds like he took his same score from Batman. I swear there are some instrumental parts that are lifted straight from that movie.

It’s a cheesy, over exaggerated movie from which the viewer’s enjoyment will depend on how much they enjoy this style. Personally, I find the aesthetic interesting and some of the characters are fun, but it feels too silly to fully be immersed.

Score: 6/10

WWE Reviews #7 - Beware of Dog (1996)

            A couple of months prior to In Your House: Beware of Dog, Shawn Michaels beat Bret Hart in a classic Iron Man match at Wrestlemania XII to become World Champion. At this point, fellow Hart family member British Bulldog set his sights on Michaels and his title. The storyline goes that Michaels was supposedly trying to sleep with British Bulldog’s wife Diana. Then Jim Cornette got involved and there were all kinds of allegations made against Michaels. They were going for the look of trashy TV shows like Jerry Springer. It tried to blur the line between reality and fiction but Diana’s terrible acting killed it. She looked like a deer in headlights the whole time, not knowing what to do. There have been worse reasons for matches to happen so it wasn’t a terrible idea, it just wasn’t executed to perfection.

“Wildman” Marc Mero with Sable vs Hunter Hearst Helmsley

            Before there was Triple H, we had Hunter Hearst Helmsley. The rich snob character has been used a million times in wrestling and Hunter did a decent job with it but you could tell he was better than the character he was given. Marc Mero on the other hand was not very captivating. No one ever cared about him, there was always much more interest in his wife Sable. The arena was quiet for this match, not much interest at all. Mero took a couple of violent throws in the ring post, it looked like his shoulder was about to pop out. Some decent action but nothing memorable.

Winner: Marc Mero

WWE World Championship: Shawn Michaels (c) with Jose Lothario vs British Bulldog with Diana Smith, Owen Hart and Clarence Mason

            Hold on, why is the world championship match on second? It turns out that there was a thunderstorm that night that knocked out the power and cut off the Pay Per View feed. There were several matches that went on in the dark until the power came back on just before the main event, which was this match. The match was actually much better than I expected. Everyone knew Shawn Michaels was a great wrestler and I expected British Bulldog to be fairly slow given his size. That was not the case as he and Michaels had great chemistry and the match flowed very well. Great action and moves from both men. There was one moment during a rest hold where Michaels looked like he was legitimately upset and swearing about something but I couldn’t tell what it was. The match ended with a double pin, which was just a setup for a later match.

Winner: Draw, Shawn Michaels retains the WWE World Championship

Caribbean Strap Match: Stone Cold Steve Austin with Ted DiBiase vs Savio Vega

            Since those who paid for the Pay Per View only got to see 2 matches, a couple of nights later the WWE redid the matches that went on in the dark and broadcasted it live on TV for free. The strap match was a gimmick match that does not work for me. I loved the violence but the way to win, where one wrestler has to touch the four turnbuckles in succession, was lame. Despite that, the match went well. Austin and Vega beat the hell out of each other with those straps through lots of whipping and choking out. There was a stipulation in the match that if Austin lost, Ted DiBiase would have to leave the WWE. It was a good idea to split them up. Austin ended up becoming a mega star later on and he was able to better define what the Stone Cold character was.

Winner: Savio Vega

There was a segment after the match that showed Shawn Michaels on America Online chatting with his friends like it was a big deal. Oh 1996, how you were so innocent when it came to the Internet.

Vader with Jim Cornette vs Yokozuna

            It’s bizarre seeing Yokozuna as a fan favorite. He suited the evil foreigner character better but I guess at this point there wasn’t much else they could do with the 600 lb wrestler. This match was extremely slow. It took several minutes before they even started fighting. Vader just never seemed like a credible villain. His mask looked ridiculous, I don’t understand how he got a world title match at SummerSlam later that year. Luckily this match didn’t last too long.

Winner: Vader

Intercontinental Championship Casket Match: The Undertaker with Paul Bearer vs Goldust (c) with Marlena

            Goldust was a very unique character in WWE at this time. Playing on people’s homophobia, he would rub up on wrestlers inappropriately to make people uncomfortable. The fact that he got this casket match against the Undertaker is a big deal. The casket match itself was nothing special. The interactions between the 2 were awkward, their timing was not quite right and the casket they used was flimsy. Near the end the lid was ripped off its hinges and the referees were trying to hold it together. For the finish, Mankind popped out of the casket, made Undertaker pass out with the Mandible Claw then threw him into the casket to give Goldust the win. But then, smoke started coming out of the casket and when the officials opened it again, the Undertaker has disappeared, oooohhh.

Winner : Goldust, retains Intercontinental Championship

Movie Reviews #49 - A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

Plot: Freddy Kruger, a man who can attack people in their dreams, is murdering a group of teenagers.

Review: We’ve come full circle with the Nightmare on Elm Street series and we are now at the reboot. After how unwatchable Wes Craven’s New Nightmare was, a reboot may have been the only route to go. The story is essentially the same as the 1984 original, just updated.

            Unfortunately, Robert Englund is not back as Freddy. Jackie Early Haley has taken over the iconic role. Haley’s rendition of Freddy is more akin to the serious tone of the first couple of movies and not at all like the ridiculous comedy of the later sequels. He does a decent job as the character, making Freddy menacing, but his appearance leaves a bit to be desired. He just looks like a burn victim, nothing all that interesting or unique about his look. The other characters, with whom we spend most of the movie with, are bland. Nancy (played Rooney Mara – The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo) is an emo artist teen this time around and spends the entire movie looking bored. Her friends are just as uninteresting and are only there to die.

            The dream sequences feature a lot of CGI… not a good thing. They look like a videogame and take you out of the moment. There is one effect though that is well done. In the movie they introduce the idea of microsleep, where if a person stays awake for too long their body will intermittently fall asleep and wake up. In one scene, Nancy is microsleeping while in a drug store. The aisles change into boiler room pipes while Freddy is walking towards her, appearing and disappearing as he gets closer. It’s a well crafted scene that blends the real and the dream world.

            The remake is not a terrible movie but as you watch it you wonder why it was made. It retreads the first movie without changing all that much (except for adding that Freddy is now a pedophile as well as a child murderer). A remake/reboot/retelling whatever you want to call it should take the ideas of the original it is based on and do something to stand on its own. This movie just rides the coattails of the previous series without trying to establish its own lore.


Score: 5/10