Plot:
(from imdb.com) A vengeful woman sets out to retrieve a magic orb from an evil
queen whom she vows vengeance upon after the evil queen slain her family and
her loyal warriors raped her.
Review: Red
Sonja is a movie that I believe takes place in the Conan universe. Which is
weird because Arnold Schwarzenegger is playing a character named Kalidor, not
Conan. Who is basically the same as
Conan, just less of a dick.
Where Conan was a brutal movie, Red
Sonja is a toned down kiddie version. The kills don’t have a visceral impact.
And there is an annoying kid, the death curse for any movie. I’ll never
understand why filmmakers think they have to put whinny brats in their movie.
It does not make it better, it just pushes away true fans of the material.
This movie was the debut of Brigitte
Nielsen and looking back on her IMDB
page, she had quite the run early in her career (Rocky IV, Cobra, Beverly Hills
Cop 2) until it took a nosedive that never recovered. Her acting here… well it
is what it is. Given it’s her first film and that this is a cheesy sword movie,
she gets by but she’s not turning any heads. She is very wooden, maybe that’s
what the character calls for but it could have been done better.
On to the man himself, Arnold. Now I
can never say anything bad about my favorite actor of all time, so I’m laying
out my bias right now. He pops up when needed and kicks ass, that’s all you
need from the legendary action star. Thankfully he’s in the movie, because
otherwise I don’t know bad it would have been.
What should have been the strength of
the movie, swordfights, is probably the weakest point other than that damn kid.
Every swing is long and telegraphed, if this were a real fight they would be
killed in seconds. The story itself is also fairly dumb but if you’re a fan of
the genre you may get a kick out of it. Red Sonja is not a good movie but I can
see how it could get some nostalgic love from some people.
Score: 4/10
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